Are You Absorbing your child’s or client’s Anxiety? Or Actually Co-Regulation?

One of the most confusing parts of working with dysregulated children or clients—especially when you’re emotionally intuitive, or highly attuned—is noticing that your own body starts reacting right along with them.

You might feel jittery, tense, overstimulated, or on-edge… and wonder:

“Is this my anxiety? Or am I picking up theirs?”

Here’s the truth:

1️⃣ You’re not “absorbing it wrong.” You’re co-regulating because you’re sensitive and attuned.

When a client grunts, screams, spirals into negative self-talk, or becomes dysregulated, those aren’t just “behaviors.”

They’re sensory and emotional signals, and your nervous system picks them up instantly.

Because you’re a tuned-in parent and clinician, your body naturally:

• Scans for threat

• Reads tone and intensity

• Tracks unpredictability

• Prepares you to respond

• Activates your sympathetic system before you consciously realize it

  
  

This isn’t a flaw.

This is your superpower.

But even superpowers need boundaries so they don’t drain you.

2️⃣ What you’re feeling is called neural resonance — a normal human survival mechanism.

When your client is anxious, your body mirrors it.

If they are:

• Screaming

• Heavy breathing

• Switching emotions quickly

• Spiraling in their internal dialogue

  
  

Your body responds with micro-surges of:

• Cortisol

• Adrenaline

• Heart-rate increases

• Hyper vigilance

  
  

The jitteriness you feel is your system trying to keep pace with the environment.

It’s your nervous system saying:

“I’m prepared to respond, but this is a lot of sensory input and unpredictability.”

Eating may calm part of the physiology, but the high-alert activation can stay if the real trigger is the nervous system—not blood sugar.

3️⃣ You’re still learning them — and your brain is still mapping predictability.

Unpredictability always heightens nervous-system activation because your brain is constantly asking:

• “When will they escalate?”

• “What will they do next?

• “How intense might this get?”

• “Are they safe? Am I safe?”

• “Will there be another scream?”

  
  

Once your brain builds a predictability map, the activation naturally decreases.

It gets easier. Your nervous system settles.

You become confident in the pattern, not startled by it.

4️⃣ You might be blending with their emotions instead of observing them.

Have you ever wondered “When I notice their anxiety, I think I may be absorbing it rather than observing it.”

YES.

And that’s the exact line between:

• Burnout and

• Sustainable compassion

  
  

Here’s the difference:

Absorbing:

“I feel what they feel.”

Observing:

“I see what they are feeling, but I remain separate.”

Your body hasn’t fully created that separation yet—but it absolutely can.

5️⃣ A simple on-the-spot tool: “That’s theirs, this is mine.”

The moment your child or client escalates, walk yourself through this:

STEP 1 — Notice the first body signal

“I feel my chest tightening… okay.”

STEP 2 — Label it

“This is my nervous system responding to their anxiety.”

STEP 3 — Separate it

“That’s theirs.

This is mine.”

STEP 4 — Exhale slowly

Lengthen the exhale.

Your heart rate will follow.

Even doing this once can break the absorption loop.

Boundaries That Protect Your Nervous System (Without Blocking Co-Regulation)

Here are simple boundaries that help you stay steady while supporting someone who’s dysregulated:

1️⃣ Internal Boundaries (quiet + invisible)

• Name what’s mine vs theirs: “This tension is mine. That emotion is theirs.”

• Slow exhale before responding.

• Anchor to one sense (feet on floor, breath, palms).

• Mini mantra: “Observe, don’t absorb.”

2️⃣ Relational Boundaries (between you + them)

• Slow your pace instead of matching their intensity.

• Pause before stepping in.

• Stay beside their emotions, not inside them.

• Signal steadiness: “I’m here, and I’m steady.”

  
  

3️⃣ Physical Boundaries (body + environment)

• Stand/sit at a comfortable distance.

• Angle your body instead of facing head-on.

• Keep a grounded posture (feet planted, shoulders soft).

  
  

4️⃣ Structural Boundaries (your routines)

• 1–2 minute pre-interaction grounding.

• 60-second post-session reset.

• Short buffer time between interaction.

• Don’t carry emotional processing home.

If this helped you understand your own nervous system, share it with another parent or clinician who might need the same reminder: you’re not absorbing it wrong — you’re human and attuned.