When Anticipation Turns Into Anxiety: Finding Clarity in the Fog

Some mornings are foggy for a reason.

When the fog settles in, we’re only able to see what’s directly in front of us—not miles down the road, not every possible turn. And while that can feel unsettling, it can also be protective. It keeps us present. It keeps us from racing too far ahead or replaying what’s already behind us.

This is often how faith works—and how the nervous system works, too.

Anticipation becomes anxiety when our minds move faster than our bodies can stay grounded. When we think too far ahead, we begin preparing for things that haven’t happened yet. And when the present moment feels intense, our vision can either narrow too tightly or expand so wide that it overwhelms us. Neither extreme is where regulation lives.

The Paradox of Big Feelings

Two things can be true at the same time.

Love and anger can coexist. Fear and hope can coexist. Shame and pride can coexist. Wanting connection and wanting space can coexist.

When big emotions show up, they often trap us inside a single perspective. The nervous system zooms in so tightly that we lose access to everything else that is also true in the moment.

Other times, the opposite happens—we see too much: too many outcomes, too many possibilities, too many unknowns. That widened lens can feel just as dysregulating.

Regulation lives between these extremes—on the spectrum where we are connected, present, and flexible.

How Anticipation Fuels Anxiety

Anticipation is not inherently bad. But when needs feel unmet—whether through deprivation (lack of rest, connection, predictability) or over-satiation (too many demands, too much information)—anticipation can quickly turn into anxiety.

The brain shifts into threat mode. Vision clouds. Clarity disappears.

This is often when children go from calm to overwhelmed “out of nowhere,” and parents are left feeling confused, frustrated, or helpless.

That confusion can cloud our vision too—and when parents feel lost, frustration can replace compassion.

Why Transitions Are So Hard—and Why Pausing Matters

Often, what triggers anxiety isn’t the present moment—it’s the transition.

When we anticipate something uncomfortable in the future, the nervous system can stall. Motivation drops. The body resists moving forward, not because a child is being defiant, but because their brain doesn’t yet feel safe enough to take the next step.

When we see this in children, our instinct as adults is often to push forward—to get through it, to finish what was started, to move on as quickly as possible. We want the transition over because we are uncomfortable pausing.

But what children need in these moments is for us to pause with them.

Pausing communicates:

• “You’re not alone.”

• “You don’t have to rush.”

• “I’ll help you get ready for what’s next.”

That pause takes time. It takes patience. And it takes willingness to be with them where they are—even when we don’t want to pause.

And yes, this can feel frustrating for parents.

But it’s necessary.

Because when we skip the pause, the nervous system doesn’t disappear—it escalates. What could have been a manageable transition turns into a full-blown avalanche that affects every step that follows.

This is why something that should take 30 minutes suddenly takes an hour—or sometimes two.

Ironically, pushing forward too soon often slows the entire process, even though it feels like it should make things faster.

Pausing early and intentionally prevents the escalation that derails everything.

Reframing the Pause

The pause is not the problem. The pause is the preparation.

When we pause with a child, we’re not stopping progress—we’re making progress possible.

We are helping their nervous system feel safe enough to move forward.

You Don’t Have to Understand to Empathize

One of the biggest misunderstandings in parenting is the belief that we must fully understand a child’s behavior in order to respond with empathy.

We don’t.

We need to relate.

Every human knows what it feels like to be confused. To feel unsure of what they need. To feel overwhelmed without the words to explain it.

Instead of needing clarity first, connection can be the bridge.

Language That Restores Safety

In moments of escalation—when neither you nor your child can see clearly—language matters.

You might say:

“Let’s check in with where we are.”

“We’re here together.”

“Nothing else matters right now.”

This doesn’t demand calm. It creates it.

These words orient the nervous system back to the present—back to safety, back to relationship—without requiring explanation or compliance.

When Anxiety Is Too Big: Narrow the Vision

When anxiety is high, the brain is focused on the future. To bring it back to the present, we can gently narrow awareness to what is happening right now.

This grounding tool can be used with children or adults:

A Simple 5-4-3-2-1 Practice

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can hear

• 3 things you can feel

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste (or one thing you’re grateful for)

This isn’t about distraction—it’s about orientation.

It tells the nervous system: I am here. I am safe. This moment is okay.

Once the body feels safe, the mind regains flexibility.

Narrowing and Widening Vision Are Both Tools

There are moments when narrowing the lens brings calm—and moments when gently widening perspective restores balance.

• When anxiety feels overwhelming → narrow the vision

• When perspective feels rigid or stuck → widen the lens

Neither is better. Both are tools.

What matters is staying connected—within ourselves and with our children—so we can take the next right step, even when the full path isn’t visible.

What This Teaches a Child Long-Term

When a child experiences connection in uncertainty, calm in confusion, and safety in the unknown, they learn something foundational:

I don’t need to know everything to be safe.

This is how secure attachment is built—not through certainty or control, but through presence and relationship.

Closing

Sometimes the fog isn’t something to escape. Sometimes it’s an invitation to slow down, stay close, and trust what’s right in front of us.

Clarity doesn’t always come from seeing farther. Sometimes it comes from being still enough to stay here.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If this resonated with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate these moments without support please leave a like or comment on how this resonated with you. Your feedback opens the door for collaboration.

We share ongoing resources, tools, and encouragement for parents who are walking through regulation, transitions, attachment, and the in-between moments that shape family life.

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